As you read the two different symptoms lists for postpartum depression and for postpartum anxiety/OCD, please remember a few very important things:
You may not be experiencing all of the symptoms listed below or even most of them. Postpartum depression and anxiety are not “one-size-fits-all” illnesses. Your experience may include just a few of the symptoms and you may not have others at all. If you have symptoms on both lists, that’s not unusual.
Many new mothers have feelings like the ones listed below every now and then, for a day or two. We all have bad days. Postpartum depression and anxiety are not just bad days. Women with PPD or anxiety have symptoms like these most of the time, for a period of at least 2 weeks or longer, and these symptoms make it feel very hard to live life each day.
Postpartum Depression Symptoms
You may have postpartum depression if you have had a baby within the last 12 months and are experiencing some of these symptoms:
You feel overwhelmed. Not like “hey, this new mom thing is hard.” More like “I can’t do this and I’m never going to be able to do this.” You may be wondering whether you should have become a mother in the first place.
You feel guilty because you believe you should be handling new motherhood better than this. You feel like your baby deserves better. You worry whether your baby can tell that you feel so bad, or that you are crying so much, or that you don’t feel the happiness or connection that you thought you would. You may wonder whether your baby would be better off without you.
You don’t feel bonded to your baby. You’re not having that “mythical mommy bliss.”
You can’t understand why this is happening. You are very confused and scared.
You feel irritated or angry. You have no patience. Everything annoys you. You feel resentment toward your baby, your partner, or your friends who don’t have babies. You feel out-of-control rage.
You feel nothing. Emptiness and numbness. You are just going through the motions.
You feel sadness to the depths of your soul. You can’t stop crying, even when there’s no apparent reason to be crying.
You feel hopeless, like this situation will never ever get better. You feel weak and defective, like a failure.
You can’t bring yourself to eat, or perhaps the only thing that makes you feel better is eating.
You can’t sleep when the baby sleeps, nor at any other time. Maybe you fall asleep, but you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep no matter how tired you are. Or maybe all you can do is sleep and you can’t seem to stay awake to get the most basic things done. Whichever it is, your sleeping is completely screwed up and it’s not just because you have a newborn.
You can’t concentrate or focus. You can’t think of the words you want to say or remember what you were supposed to do. You can’t make a decision. You feel like you’re in a fog.
You feel disconnected. You feel strangely apart from everyone for some reason, like there’s an invisible wall between you and the rest of the world.
Maybe you’re exercising, taking your vitamins, doing yoga. You’re thinking “Why can’t I just get over this?” You feel like you should be able to snap out of it, but you can’t.
You might have thoughts of running away and leaving your family behind. Or you’ve thought of driving off the road, taking too many pills, or finding some other way to end this misery.
You know something is wrong. You may not know you have a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder, but you know the way you are feeling is NOT right. You think you’ve “gone crazy.”
You are afraid that this is your new reality and that you’ve lost the old you forever.
You are afraid that if you reach out for help people will judge you. Or that your baby will be taken away.
Postpartum Anxiety & OCD
You may have postpartum anxiety or postpartum OCD if you have had a baby within the last 12 months and are experiencing some of these symptoms:
Your thoughts are racing. You can’t quiet your mind, settle down. You can’t relax.
You feel like you have to be doing something at all times. Cleaning bottles. Cleaning baby clothes. Cleaning the house. Doing work. Entertaining the baby. Checking on the baby.
You are worried. Really worried. All. The. Time. Am I doing this right? Will my husband come home? Will the baby wake up? Is the baby eating enough? Is there something wrong with my baby that I’m missing? No matter what anyone says to reassure you it doesn’t help.
You may be having disturbing thoughts that you’ve never had before. Scary thoughts that make you wonder whether you aren’t the person you thought you were. They fly into your head unwanted and you know they aren’t right, that this isn’t the real you, but they terrify you and they won’t go away. These thoughts may start with the words “What if.”
You are afraid to be alone with your baby because of scary thoughts or worries. You are also afraid of things in your house that could potentially cause harm, like knives or stairs, and you avoid them like the plague.
You may feel the need to check things constantly. Did I lock the door? Did I lock the car? Did I turn off the oven? Is the baby breathing?
You may be having physical symptoms like stomach cramps or headaches, shakiness or nausea. You might even have panic attacks.
You feel like a captive animal, pacing back and forth in a cage. Restless. On edge.
You can’t eat. You have no appetite.
You’re having trouble sleeping. You are so, so tired, but you can’t sleep.
You feel a sense of dread, like something terrible is going to happen.
You know something is wrong. You may not know you have a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder, but you know the way you are feeling is NOT right. You think you’ve “gone crazy.”
You are afraid that this is your new reality and that you’ve lost the old you forever.
You are afraid that if you reach out for help people will judge you. Or that your baby will be taken away.
If you are having these feelings and symptoms then it is possible you are experiencing common illnesses that 15 to 20% of new mothers have, and they are completely treatable. What this should tell you is that you are not alone and you are not a freak and you are not highly unusual.
Postpartum Depression Resources (updated August 2021, Los Angeles)
UCLA Women’s Life Center http://www.semel.ucla.edu/mood/service/general/womens-life-center
Center for Postpartum Health http://www.postpartumhealth.com
Postpartum Support Intl. http://www.postpartum.net/resources.html
Pregnancy and Postpartum http://www.pregnancyandpostpartum.com
Depression After Delivery http://www.depressionafterdelivery.com
Postpartum Happiness /http://www.postpartumhappiness.com/
Dr. Emily Dossett http://www.emilydossettmd.com
Dr Ivy Margulies http://www.drivylove.com
Dr. Lina Kaplan http://www.drlinakaplan.com
Intl. Cesarean Awareness Network http://www.ican-online.org
For postpartum doulas or mom’s support groups, contact Supported Birth http://www.supportedbirth.com